Oprah Winfrey wants you to know that she was subjected to racism in Switzerland. She was in Zurich for Tina Turner's wedding, just like your average Joe Lunch Bucket, and she was shopping for a handbag selling for about a million dollars. The white (and possibly blond) clerk refused to let Oprah get her black hands all over the purse. Oprah politely asked again to see the ruby-encrusted purse made from human skin in the 10th century and the clerk again politely refused.
It was an outrage.
The nation of Switzerland, being responsive to complaints from average consumers, quickly apologized. Too little, too late, foreign country. Damage done. I'm willing to bet that incident really darkened Oprah's private jet ride to the South of France. She could hardly taste the gold foil on top of her Chocolat a la Normandie.
In relating her story of victimhood on Entertainment Tonight, Oprah was making some larger point about how racism is still a problem. Now is probably as good a time as any to remind you of a fact:
Oprah Winfrey has billions of dollars.
And her own TV channel.
More to the point: go fuck yourself, Oprah Winfrey. You are not being racially victimized by a shop clerk in Switzerland while buying a million dollar hand bag for Tina fucking Turner's wedding. If a fucking moment of human rudeness intrudes on your impenetrable bubble of money we don't need to know about it.
Yes, racism is still a problem. This incident doesn't prove that. It proves Oprah Winfrey being denied something is so foreign to her that she has to go on a fucking TV show and complain about a foreign country until they apologize to you.
A COUNTRY. APOLOGIZED. Shut up.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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