|"Son, I'm proud of you. All of America is proud of you. Mission Accomplished."|
|"Thanks dad. I could have done it without you, and I did. I'm my own Man."|
|"I know, son."|
|"Hey, wanna see how far I can bend my leg above my head?"|
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.