7. Nickelodeon's Double Dare

The entire set, exactly as it was during the final episode, complete with the skeletons and the giant, leathery egg.

6. The body you left behind

Old skin, hairs, scar tissue, fluids. All of the things you produced in the 1990s, cataloged and preserved. Weighs approximately 1/2 ton.

5. Fresh Prince of Bel Air

Sealed in an airtight sarcophagus to prevent spoilage.

4. Bill Clinton

Fashioned from feathers and tin, this likeness plays saxophone and looks upon you with painted eyes that seem to hate.

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.