TRANSCRIPT OF RECORDING OF A MEETING BETWEEN THE PRESIDENT, CHARLES COLSON, AND HENRY KISSINGER ON JANUARY 6TH, 1973, FROM 3:21 TO 4:09 P.M. IN THE OVAL OFFICE
|PRESIDENT:||(Unintelligible) Liddy thinks we should investigate this Indian Guides business. Something about indoctrination of our children by the Indian tribes. You hear about that?|
|COLSON:||I don't believe it's much of anything, sir. Like Boy Scouts.|
|PRESIDENT:||I asked Liddy about it and he said they have this thing called a dreamcatcher.|
|PRESIDENT:||The Indians. It's a, uh, like a weapon they use to steal our dreams.|
|KISSINGER:||To intercept them in the night.|
|PRESIDENT:||Oh, hell, I don't know. Like a TV antenna. How does that work? (Unintelligible) spectrums or something I guess. Liddy had this whole explanation but I can only remember half of it.|
|COLSON:||It doesn't sound like much.|
|PRESIDENT:||You never think it sounds like much. Last week with Liddy's mermaid, remember that? We sent the helicopter to catch a picture of her.|
|KISSINGER:||A U-2, Mr. President.|
|PRESIDENT:||Right. And it came back with big blown up photos with the mermaid on the rocks. The Pentagon boys circled her and everything. So maybe you should, uh, take this dreamcatcher business a little more seriously.|
|COLSON:||Alright, fair enough, what do we know about them?|
|PRESIDENT:||What were we talking about?|
|KISSINGER:||Mr. Liddy's dreamcatching device.|
|PRESIDENT:||Right, right, (unintelligible) Liddy said he bought some from a dusky-eyed Chicano in Vermont. One of those apple migrants they have up there. Here, have a look.|
|COLSON:||It's smaller than I expected. What are these feathers for?|
|PRESIDENT:||You hang this above your bed and it communicates with the dreamworld. Liddy thinks the feathers are like amplifiers for picking up dreams. The more powerful the bird, the more powerful the dreamcatcher.|
|KISSINGER:||If it is an issue of range we should have Indian affairs ban bird feathers.|
|COLSON:||Already banned eagle feathers.|
|PRESIDENT:||How does a turkey buzzard rate? What about condors? Do we have any of those over Indian airspace?|
|KISSINGER:||It is possible, Mr. President.|
|PRESIDENT:||Let's get some jets up there flying circuits. We can put Liddy in one and have him do figure eights over South Dakota.|
|COLSON:||We could attach a siren to it.|
|KISSINGER:||Like a Stuka.|
|PRESIDENT:||Yeah, right, scare off every bird. Halt production on these things. Good thinking.|
Are we not allowed to be real parents anymore? We may have feared the CyborFreaks, but we damn well respected them and learned about boundaries.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.