1. Theo Cosby, Edward Snowden Girlfriend: 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know by Paul Farrell (Heavy)
Easily taking the top spot is this article from a website I did not even know had articles. It combines the moron-friendly list structure of a BuzzFeed article with the rigorous journalism of a Skintern freeze-framing a half-titty on an episode of Justified. Also features a Google Streetview pic of the house they shared (share?). It reads like a murderer's plan for killing somebody they have been stalking.
Farrell dragged out all the naughtiest Theo Cosby pictures to give us facts we "need to know" like "4. She Had Been Working as a Pole-Dancer." Now when that question comes up on the Theo Cosby final exam you will be equipped to answer correctly.
Don't miss Heavy.com's "30 Strange & Sexy Photos of Edward Snowden's Girlfriend."
And by "don't miss" I mean "do fucking miss." Also, Heavy now seems like the sort of website where you get Bulgarian viruses that pop up ads for muscle pills. So way to go with that.
|Zack is the author of the new short story collection Wages: Future Tales of a Hired Gun, a blood-soaked satire of private military contracting. He is also the author of the genre-hopping novel Liminal States, which is NOW AVAILABLE as an audiobook. You can find out more about Zack's latest projects and special offers on his Facebook page.|
REFORMED HOG - Former member of the swine family, has now agreed to behave like a proper dog. Free to patient home willing to overlook physical defects. 555-2519
What do you do when The Dark Knight himself pulls a boner?
Available in Large, which is actually a Medium stretched out to appear bigger.
If you're in a tight spot, this is going to be really helpful (I'M JOKING. I'M KIDDING AROUND)
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