1. Theo Cosby, Edward Snowden Girlfriend: 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know by Paul Farrell (Heavy)
Easily taking the top spot is this article from a website I did not even know had articles. It combines the moron-friendly list structure of a BuzzFeed article with the rigorous journalism of a Skintern freeze-framing a half-titty on an episode of Justified. Also features a Google Streetview pic of the house they shared (share?). It reads like a murderer's plan for killing somebody they have been stalking.
Farrell dragged out all the naughtiest Theo Cosby pictures to give us facts we "need to know" like "4. She Had Been Working as a Pole-Dancer." Now when that question comes up on the Theo Cosby final exam you will be equipped to answer correctly.
Don't miss Heavy.com's "30 Strange & Sexy Photos of Edward Snowden's Girlfriend."
And by "don't miss" I mean "do fucking miss." Also, Heavy now seems like the sort of website where you get Bulgarian viruses that pop up ads for muscle pills. So way to go with that.
|Zack is the author of the new short story collection Wages: Future Tales of a Hired Gun, a blood-soaked satire of private military contracting. He is also the author of the genre-hopping novel Liminal States, which is NOW AVAILABLE as an audiobook. You can find out more about Zack's latest projects and special offers on his Facebook page.|
it's hard to shake the feeling that I've always got five stars in this Grand Theft Auto known as life.
Now, inexplicably, season three is looming over us like some sort of dome. Season one's plot asked whether or not the town could get out from under the dome. Apparently the answer was "no". Season two asked "I guess we're really stuck, huh?" and the answer was "yup".
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.