BobServo: This abomination marched straight out of the most rancid parts of my childhood night terrors and onto the city streets, and now I can only apologize and hope that he doesn't melt through the walls and stab me in neck while I'm taking a shower. All of the elements from my deepest personal anxieties are present: me, naked and the President, forced to march through town after forgetting my algebra homework, and Elmo, with political platitudes printed on his chest, trying to perform the act of fellatio on himself as an affront to god. This is what happens when you're raised by TV and watch only Sesame Street, C-SPAN, and the scrambled porn channel.
Brad: The monster at the end of this book is taxes for rich people. Wait, that was a different Sesame Street character wasn't it? These pop culture references are harder than I thought.
BobServo: WHERE IS ELMO'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE???
Brad: What with the guy in the back with the "Dump Barney" sign, there's clearly a lot of anger in this country towards children's television characters. Just out of the frame some guy is beating the shit out of Kermit the Frog while the crowds collect stones to execute a bound Pikachu. Or maybe I'm just remembering some erotic fan fiction I read once.
BobServo: Right now, somewhere in Alaska, Sarah Palin is gunning down ALF from a biplane.
Brad: Of course that guy in the back is an idiot because everyone knows that Barney the purple dinosaur is a strong supporter of Reaganomics and increased military spending as well as a staunch social conservative. "I love you, you love me, we're all one big family. Except for all you faggots. Alright, go ahead and bring me out a kid to hug but make sure it ain't one of them community theater types. You know who I'm talking about!"
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
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