appearance: 7 - fit and neat
attitude: reluctant
date visited: Jun 2009
performance: 5 - okay
atmosphere: 5 - average

Set up a meeting with a phone call to J. Jonah Jameson. Freelance photographer showed up, turned out to be (surprise!) my date. Threw a woman off a building and he caught her in a web. Then things really got going.

Refused BBBJ and didn't seem interested in any sort of sex. Wanted to chase me around on my jetboard and race me parkour-style through a construction site. Was knocked off my jetboard by a girder about 500 feet up and he webbed me to the side of a building. Exciting, but not too original.Webs were silky, thicker than I expected, and still very warm. Smelled slightly of urine. Offered to CtC, but I threatened to release a nerve gas in a school. Mild roughing up followed by some body touching. Revealed there was no nerve gas bomb and was allowed to fall to my death - only to be caught after a 30 foot drop by a crane's bucket.

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.