You permanently lose all sensation in your genitals.
Whenever you talk, live shrimp begin crawling out of your mouth.
You get $50,000, but you have to spend two years eating only cottage cheese and ketchup packets.
You are convinced that you are in a musical and sing everything, even though you have the voice of a young boy going through puberty arguing about Transformers on Ventrillo.
Lean in close to your screen. Inhale deeply. Does this guide give off a cloyingly sour odor? Then it is likely the genuine article.
Your guide to the main subreddits that there are.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.