You permanently lose all sensation in your genitals.
Whenever you talk, live shrimp begin crawling out of your mouth.
You get $50,000, but you have to spend two years eating only cottage cheese and ketchup packets.
You are convinced that you are in a musical and sing everything, even though you have the voice of a young boy going through puberty arguing about Transformers on Ventrillo.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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