Something about the sound of your voice causes people to instantly lose control of their bowels.

Something about the sound of other human voices causes you to instantly lose control of your bowels.

You permanently lose all sensation in your genitals.

You gain heightened sensation in your genitals, but it is a sensation of unrelenting grief and despair.

Whenever you talk, live shrimp begin crawling out of your mouth.

Whenever you talk, you speak as an unparalleled expert on Japanese animation, but you have absolutely no idea what you are saying and can never truly enjoy or take pride in your wisdom.

You get $50,000, but you have to spend two years eating only cottage cheese and ketchup packets.

You get $50,000, but you have to spend one year wearing sweatpants and you have a boner the entire time.

You are convinced that you are in a musical and sing everything, even though you have the voice of a young boy going through puberty arguing about Transformers on Ventrillo.

The entire world thinks that you are a rapist, though you suffer no legal repercussions.

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