Your senses of taste and touch are reversed and you spend the rest of your days getting punched and force fed sauerkraut.
Your entire music library has to consist of nothing but TV show theme song compilations.
Your entire music library has to come exclusively from Starbucks.
You constantly excrete a foul-smelling paste out of two discreet ducts on your forehead.
You have to constantly chew tobacco at all times or you will die.
You become convinced Leprechauns are trying to steal your wealth and dignity and lose sight of the important things in life.
You get $250,000, but you have to spend a year living inside an iron lung.
It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.