Your senses of taste and touch are reversed and you spend the rest of your days getting punched and force fed sauerkraut.
Your entire music library has to consist of nothing but TV show theme song compilations.
Your entire music library has to come exclusively from Starbucks.
You constantly excrete a foul-smelling paste out of two discreet ducts on your forehead.
You have to constantly chew tobacco at all times or you will die.
You become convinced Leprechauns are trying to steal your wealth and dignity and lose sight of the important things in life.
You get $250,000, but you have to spend a year living inside an iron lung.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
That atheist professor should have kept his mouth shut around this American Sniper.
'Let the building eat you.'
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.