Your senses of taste and touch are reversed and you spend the rest of your days getting punched and force fed sauerkraut.
Your entire music library has to consist of nothing but TV show theme song compilations.
Your entire music library has to come exclusively from Starbucks.
You constantly excrete a foul-smelling paste out of two discreet ducts on your forehead.
You have to constantly chew tobacco at all times or you will die.
You become convinced Leprechauns are trying to steal your wealth and dignity and lose sight of the important things in life.
You get $250,000, but you have to spend a year living inside an iron lung.
Tucker Carlson's idiot brother just called New York mayor Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "LabiaFace."
Hey, have you guys ever seen a picture of a cat before? Well, guess what. It’s your lucky day, because I’m mixing the concept of a picture of my cat with the concept of the Internet!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.