This reads like a Billy Mays sales pitch.
You can't be going with that store brand cheap shit my friend.
The legendary McDonalds McRib sandwich has the same effect and is probably way cheaper.
This is also assuming that your mother has so little of a relationship with your father that she doesn't even point out the fact that her son is a 19 year old diaper wearing retard.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.