This reads like a Billy Mays sales pitch.
You can't be going with that store brand cheap shit my friend.
The legendary McDonalds McRib sandwich has the same effect and is probably way cheaper.
This is also assuming that your mother has so little of a relationship with your father that she doesn't even point out the fact that her son is a 19 year old diaper wearing retard.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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