This reads like a Billy Mays sales pitch.

You can't be going with that store brand cheap shit my friend.

The legendary McDonalds McRib sandwich has the same effect and is probably way cheaper.

This is also assuming that your mother has so little of a relationship with your father that she doesn't even point out the fact that her son is a 19 year old diaper wearing retard.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • GLUT OF DOGS

    GLUT OF DOGS

    TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851

  • THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.

Copyright ©2016 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.