The dark spirits are strong in this Weekend Web. The devil has sent us a horrific forum full of sad emo kids who can't stop posting on the Internet. They get boners for posing for pictures in graveyards while normal people try to visit the graves of their loved ones. is where they congregate and think of new graveyards to pose in. Let's take a look at the dark secrets in their hearts that pulsate like the fiery depths of hell.

I guess there isn't a lot to do in Indiana but be goth and write bad poetry.

If this isn't a textbook definition of a goth then I don't know what is.

My fingernails scratch the side of my intestines and I poop blood and it's soooo... dark.

Underage alcoholic found.

Eh, it's what America gets. If you hug a tiger you're going to get your face scratched off. And if you put your hand in a blender you're going to get a hand smoothie. And if you pull a trigger with a gun pointed at your leg you will suffer a non-fatal wound. Dumb Americans don't even understand that when you cause something to happen there will be an effect. Let me roll off a few examples to show how much I understand this concept.

The lack of castles in my life causes me to hate myself.

I was going to ask what a pirate-zombie-cyborg-pigeon is and how it fits in with Hitler but then I remembered that I was looking at a ridiculous goth forum.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.