*if the animal dies on the spot your psi energy is too powerful or perhaps not powerful enough

Thinking you're a vampire certainly isn't caused by being raised by messed up parents. I think we've scientifically ruled that one out.

If my girlfriend started chanting and shit and I'd want to escape to a dream as soon as possible, too.

You know, "Leontyne" could have saved us all a lot of trouble in that last paragraph by just skipping the description and calling it a "nerd frankenstein".

Not if she finds out about this vampyre crap, hotshot.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.