*if the animal dies on the spot your psi energy is too powerful or perhaps not powerful enough

Thinking you're a vampire certainly isn't caused by being raised by messed up parents. I think we've scientifically ruled that one out.

If my girlfriend started chanting and shit and I'd want to escape to a dream as soon as possible, too.

You know, "Leontyne" could have saved us all a lot of trouble in that last paragraph by just skipping the description and calling it a "nerd frankenstein".

Not if she finds out about this vampyre crap, hotshot.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Freakypizza: The Sweater Curse

    Freakypizza: The Sweater Curse

    Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.

  • Spout.ly Drinking Fountain Enthusiast Lingo

    Spout.ly Drinking Fountain Enthusiast Lingo

    Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.

About This Column

There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.