Sorry, but if looking at a playing card makes you happy, you're not magical, you're just dense.
I usually say I'm part cobra. It's useful becuase if you're ever about to get into a fight with a guy you can say, "I'm part fucking cobra!" and put your palms up on the sides of your neck and flap 'em around and make that "tttfttftftftftf" tongue sound the guy makes in Silence of the Lambs and it should freak the other guy out. In theory.
Ladies, no one's stopping you.
Looks like someone got an iguana for their birthday!
I read this like four times and I still can't figure most of these out. They say a lot but at the same time they're meaningless. Kind of like those nonsense corporate buzzwords you hear all the time, except these are from unemployable people.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
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