"You're doing heroic work." - Bob Fertik, Democrats.com
There are so many important things you would want to teach your child at an early age, like why you shouldn't talk to strangers, or why you shouldn't hold Mixers for Kids under the kitchen sink, and why Daddy cries all the time at night. This being said, why in the hell is it necessary, let alone a good idea, to teach your child about your political affiliation? As a scapegoat for the bad parenting? To ensure that they don't grow up with hope of a better future? To scare them away from being involved in politics? I think my biggest problem isn't so much what its advocating Democrats as, but what it's suggesting Republicans aren't doing for the world.
So, if Mommy wasn't a Democrat, you wouldn't have to share your cool ass blocks with that kid down the street with no pants, and you wouldn't have a homeless guy living on the bench in your garden. If Daddy wasn't a Democrat, you could just take the fire trucks and handguns and use them yourself. What exactly is this book trying to teach again?"A portion of the profits will be donated to Democratic candidates and party organizations, so your purchase will help make an immediate difference!"Oh right, money.
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
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