The Mind Control Forum, submitted by me... I think. The Mind Control Forum is one of those conspiracy sites that I expect to be a joke, but which turns out to have way too much backstory and information to be fake. This is a very long account of people who believe they are being mind controlled via electronic implants in their brains by a mysterious New World Order. I used to watch wrestling and I knew those guys were jerks, but I had no idea how dastardly they really were. The site is actually pretty straightforward, but my favorite part is the "Totally Anonymous, Untraceable Questionnaire for Mind Control/Electronic Harassment PERPETRATORS". That's right, there's a form for the people who are controlling these people's minds to fill out.
Dear Mind Control PERPETRATOR:
This is a serious questionnaire, and is 100% safe for you to respond to.
Your answers are generated by a third party web service host, and are emailed to the website manager, by that host. No trace of your email address or ISP is sent to me.
You are part of the New World Order, which is many things but in any case is one of the most amazing undertakings this planet has ever seen. This is especially true now that a half century of incredibly advanced, but kept tightly secret, technology is in your hands, or the hands of those you work for, which can produce effects most people consider only science fiction.
By submitting answers to a few questions below, you will get a chance to tell your story in complete anonymity. While we all want the torture you are heaping on us to stop, at the same time, we would like to know something about you as well.
I will post responses which are judged to be probably serious and genuine.
Please consider taking advantage of this opportunity to tell the world about your part in this historical undertaking.
Does it ask what their favorite flavor of ice cream is, or what they think of Woody Allen films? You'll have to read it yourself to find out. Under no circumstances should you pretend to be a mind controlling member of the New World Order and fill out the form. Okay? I've got that chip in your brain, and if you do it I swear I'll make you want to read User Friendly every single day for the rest of your life. Yes, it's still around and no, I'm not bluffing.
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
I saw good men turned to mush in the wars against the soggies. Men much better than you, Mr. President. If you are going to take John Brennan's security clearance, take my security clearance too.
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