In the amazing 1986 movie Link, an ostensibly domesticated orangutan reveals his budding sociopathic tendencies by microwaving a telephone. Apparently, even the most civilized primates, the kind that wear suits and smoke cigars, can't be trusted with communication devices. That's why Monkeyphonecall exists, to provide surrogate simian conversation for animal enthusiasts frustrated that zoo employees categorically refuse to "put the ape on the line." The concept originated in 2001, when an eBay seller promised to make "super monkey" sounds during a minute-long phone call. (The immortal eBay Card Game referenced this auction.) Building on the momentum of that novel solicitation, Monkeyphonecall charges a flat $10 fee for each order. Sure, people could make their own chimp noises into the phone for free, but the recipient might be able to detect their amateurish impressions. By contrast, Monkeyphonecall employs real professionals, like maybe this guy or that dude from Disturbed.

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

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