It seems like everyone is into civil disobedience these days! Well, not really, but it can be hard to write these preambles sometimes. I could've made a connection to some of the protests taking place across the US, but doing that for an introduction to a compilation of forum posts feels kind of tacky. Anyway. Here's the most heinous shit that BYOB could come up with. Enjoy!

City of Glompton

found an unprotected thermostat in the capital building so I turned the heat up three degrees 

I used twice as many paper towels as necessary, too

additionally, I hung all the toilet paper rolls the wrong way


walked halfway across the street within the boundaries of the crosswalk, but when I saw that no traffic was coming in either direction I veered off at an angle taking me slightly more directly towards my destination

Dads Dip Cup

when I do the hokey pokey I put my left foot in and then act like I'm gonna take it back out but I never do


spent several minutes yesterday trying to push an inward door out, some people started laughing at me so i flashed them goat horns and then ran away crying


I'm going to use my Q-Tips to clean my ears, against the explicit instructions not to do so

I Was The Fury

I cross out the date under "best enjoyed by" and use a marker to write my own name in on all the groceries I buy.

City of Glompton

there was a table with a sign stating it was not to be moved, so I moved it slightly to the left


I enter stores with a wad of "THIS TAG IS NOT TO BE REMOVED UNDER PENALTY OF LAW" tags in my pocket and sew them onto random objects, such as cell phones and vegetables

Dads Dip Cup

went to the store and saw a sign on the doorstep that said "watch your step", pointed my nose straight up in the air and walked right through that shit without even looking

now I'm at the doctor getting stitches after putting my chin through a vending machine, turns out you can't see where you're going too well when looking straight up at the ceiling


i moved a deer crossing sign 10ft down the street, probably confused the hell out of those deer

City of Glompton

the mailman said "Sign here, please" but I printed instead


I install usb ports in people's computers such that the printed side of an inserted thumb drive faces down, not up

albany academy

Whenever I pay for parking tickets and the attendant says "thanks have a nice day, next please" I sort of make a noise of disapproval in the back of my throat and then turn to go but bump into the person behind me, so I stammer out something in an apologetic voice but I don't actually say sorry and quickly leave staring at the floor

Dads Dip Cup

*drives into an empty parking lot*

*pulls into a lane where the arrow is pointing the opposite direction*

...oh yeah *revs engine, Black Sunshine plays on the radio*


i dress up like a mime and talk to people

I Was The Fury

I open all my packages with the "this side up" arrow facing down. Amazon has stopped returning my increasingly angry phone calls.

City of Glompton

I bring a universal remote with me to the Social Security office and change the channel to whatever number gets called

google THIS

*charges into a bookstore, picks up the first volume I see*

"This cover sucks! That means the book must suck too!"

*runs out before anyone has time to call security*


i used white out to cover the letters "S" and "D" on the speed limit sign in my neighborhood


*stares at this post contemplativelyfor like 3 minutes, making counting motions with fingers and clearly spelling things under my breath*

*suddenly looks alarmed, turns around to look at bathroom door with frightened, guilty look on face*

Dads Dip Cup

as I walk past the receptionist, she motions up at my head. smiling and without breaking my stride I remove my ten-gallon hat, revealing a slightly smaller hat underneath, and continue on my way.

"bring it on" I say to myself with steely resolve. "I can do this all day"

– David "g0m" Dolan (@g0m)

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