"There's no law that says a dog can't sign the constitution!" -Benjamin Franklin
(the elves look on in horror as tim allen's mangled corpse vanishes and bud crawls into his suit)
bernard: (voice quavering) there's no clause that says a dog can't be santa
GODSPEED JOHN GLENN
*air bud humping things in a diner*
Middle aged lady: "I'll have what he's having."
burly lumberjack: "hey can someone bring me a chainsaw?"
a jack russel terrier, wearing a cute flannel dog sweater: *barks, runs over wagging tail carrying a chainsaw in his mouth*
foreman 1 (the mean one): grrr that dog!! *scowls*
foreman 2 (the nice one): hey now there's no rule says a dog can't fell trees
burly lumberback: Tiimmbeeerrrr!
jack russel terrier: bark bark bark! *wags tail*
Tree falls, and as it hits the ground the title appears carved beautifully into its bark: Most Valuable Lumber-Jack (Summer 2017, straight to dvd)
Spicy Billy has a bad track record in the Beyblade circuit of 2017. He can barely tell the difference between a defensive ring and a PHONE RING *sproing oing oing oing*.
But this summer, he's gonna take the fart of love, life, and fun, and Let it Rrrrrip!!!
*Spicy Billy rips his sick blade into a plastic bowl in Handsy Tommy's driveway while his brother and stepdad Daniel overlook. The blades clash and Spicy Billy's beyblade shatters in half. Spicy Billy picks up the remnants in his cupped hands camera cuts*
*It is the evening at the beach and Billy is still walking and crying but it's raining and dark a sombre scene to be sure, he collapses in the sand in the wake of realization that his beyblade championship dreams will never be realized. His hand twitches and he looks down, a small hermit crab is perched on his finger*
Billy: H-hey there little buddy, thanks for the hello but I don't think you can help me...
*the hermit crab tumbles off of billy's hand, landing upside in the sand, the peak of its shell stuck in the sand. Billy laughs before freezing, he reaches out and slowly spins the upside down crab. He gasps. He unlaces one of his shoes, wrapping the lace around the hermit crab's shell and well, I think the rest is gonna be history*
MVP Most Valuable Paguroidea 23: Every Now and then I Get a Little Bit Shellfish
The powerful Air Bud lobby keeping dog regulating legislation out of the House.
Air Bud, in high-power business suit: "Arf! Arf!"
Frank Underwood, rubbing temples "But the people are calling for common sense legislation, Bud. We can't keep all these loopholes, especially when you're putting so many hard-working Americans out of a job."
Air Bud: "Grrr....grrr...." *bares teeth*
It needs to consume human tissue! It needs to speak to your manager!
Scourgelord Vilius Mandragore gave a speech from our shattered capital on Friday and we are here to fact check his claims about his million year empire.
Reason 9: Ongoing mechanical issues with the internal Superman 64 fog machine.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.