Nobody gave BaconBits any helpful feedback regarding the squalorous life he described in his original post, but once they realized he was really going to eat dog food, the bright-idea bunch started writhing out of the woodwork!


Well I hope he decides to buy the high grade dog food with real meat instead of the shitty off brand.

Note: Make him eat the shitty off brand.


Be sure to wink knowingly at the clerk and gesture to your empty stomach as they ring your single can of dog food up at checkout.


Make sure you buy the kind for aging dogs because in Dog Years you are ancient.


How much Beneful should the OP have to eat? Obviously he wouldn't get the proper nutritional content from only eating a few pieces, but with a low-grade food such as Beneful, you don't want to over-eat either. Personally I believe he should use the calculator based on a scientific study published by a respected veterinary research institute here.

The OP can figure out for himself what his ideal weight is, and judge his activity level. Obviously he's not a Working Dog, so that leaves Typical, Active, Overweight, or Highly Active.

One of the features of a challenge such as this one is that other SA Goons are welcome to complete BaconBits' task before he gets a chance; the first to do so has the right to decide his punishment. Starter Wiggin showed interest:

Starter Wiggin

If we can get the rules locked down, I'll try. Our dog food smells like literal ass (as I'm sure it is), but I think I can do it cereal-style. If I use under a dollar worth of milk and food combined, does that qualify?

Pon de Bundy

Dude if you eat dog food on camera, I don't think but the most spergiest of goons would get mad about the rules.

Well, that was all the reassurance Starter Wiggin needed!

Here are the Goon responses to this video, which differ from the YouTube comments in that they're not fucking gross!


The sounds. Oh god the sounds.


I couldn't make it past 2 minutes The ante has been upped, but at what price glory?

Pork Lift

Starter Wiggin, you are an inspiration to us all... somehow? I think?

UPDATE: Starter Wiggin survived!

Starter Wiggin

I'm alive, and my coat is glossier than ever! No noticeable ill side effects beyond I couldn't even think about cereal for breakfast. It was very crunchy, like chewing stale, dehydrated croutons, hence the swallowing whole halfway through. Godspeed OP and fellow challengers!

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2023 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful