"Doctor Luigi will be performing your quadruple amputation this morning" Said the nurse as I was wheeled through the doors of the operation room. "He's the very best in the country."
"The infection is spreading very, very quickly Doctor" Said a voice behind me.
"Yes, yes I can see that..." Doctor Luigi looked up from a clipboard as I was pushed into the room. His white smock was smeared with what appeared to be silly putty. "We will need to work fast"
I looked down at my body, and much to my chagrin, I saw that it was no longer just my hands that were made of grey denim, but the prosthetic material had somehow... grown. It had spread, up my arms, reaching past my elbows.
I glanced at my feet and saw that they too were turning the distinctive grey tint and taking on the rough denim texture.
I instantly knew that my whole life had built to this point. So many years of training were culminating in this instant. From my early childhood of escaping from Nazi dungeons in Wolfenstein 3D, to my teen years of fighting through waves of aliens in Duke Nukem, to my adulthood carefully ascending a variety of characters in Dungeon Crawl: Stone Soup.
I had to escape.
I was trained for this.
I was born for this.
It needs to consume human tissue! It needs to speak to your manager!
Scourgelord Vilius Mandragore gave a speech from our shattered capital on Friday and we are here to fact check his claims about his million year empire.
Reason 9: Ongoing mechanical issues with the internal Superman 64 fog machine.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.