"Doctor Luigi will be performing your quadruple amputation this morning" Said the nurse as I was wheeled through the doors of the operation room. "He's the very best in the country."

"The infection is spreading very, very quickly Doctor" Said a voice behind me.

"Yes, yes I can see that..." Doctor Luigi looked up from a clipboard as I was pushed into the room. His white smock was smeared with what appeared to be silly putty. "We will need to work fast"

I looked down at my body, and much to my chagrin, I saw that it was no longer just my hands that were made of grey denim, but the prosthetic material had somehow... grown. It had spread, up my arms, reaching past my elbows.

I glanced at my feet and saw that they too were turning the distinctive grey tint and taking on the rough denim texture.

I instantly knew that my whole life had built to this point. So many years of training were culminating in this instant. From my early childhood of escaping from Nazi dungeons in Wolfenstein 3D, to my teen years of fighting through waves of aliens in Duke Nukem, to my adulthood carefully ascending a variety of characters in Dungeon Crawl: Stone Soup.

I had to escape.

I was trained for this.

I was born for this.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful