Bee pit's empty, that birthday party kicked all the bees out of it. Tommy, sweep them up. Stephanie, I need you to get a few bags from the back. Use the push cart, they're like 20 pounds apiece.
me: *rushes into doctor's office, out of breath and excited* D-doctor, Doctor! I've got HIVES!
doc: *eyes light up, he ushers me in and I lay on the paper on the table* *he inspects my severe allergic bodywide rash, gradually slowing down and stopping as he looks to me*
doc: ...n-not even one *pouts and leaves room*
me: *frowns as tears mix with what must be honey oozing from my eyes*
The whole town piled in the waiting room that day, spilling along the hallway and into the medical suite.
Dr. Handel hovered over little Billy's swollen arm. The crowd murmured and gasped. Could it be.
Dr. Handel turned to all, a deep frown settling on his face, "It's just hives"
The crowd's eyes lit up, a quiet applause began.
Dr. Handel sighed.
i've been gluing sewing needles to flies for weeks now
bees are just big ants
Bee movie but everytime they say the word bee actual live bees shoot from your computer monitor
"Ok class now lets try drawing a square"
*all the bees draw a hexagon*
"no..no we already know you can draw hexagons, lets try again... just four sides this time"
*all the bees draw a hexagon again*
"...ok...one more time... a square... only four sides"
i think we could use less bees, maybe even no bees tbqh
this is quite the controversial opinion
*setting: a round table discussion with several notable academics.*
richard dawkins: "what we can all agree on, however, is the need for more bees."
piso mojado, blowing bubbles out of a pipe: "actually, my dear friend, we need fewer bees. perhaps even...no bees."
*the Baha Men look at their feet and kick the dust around a tiny ajar bee door*
But all joking aside guys, we really need to start brainstorming ways to help bees, it's a serious issue *gets stung once* OH GOD FUCK BEES, FUCKING KILL EM ALL
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
We review every game from the last 2 months, plus all 21 SNES Classic titles
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.