Steve: Did we win?
Zack: Yes, Steve, the leading presidential candidate was just gunned down and his evil plan to launch nukes was thwarted.
Steve: Does Left Eye live?
Zack: Yes. She loses her left eye, but E is able to cast a spell that transplants a donor eye into the socket. All you had was a ghoul's eyeball that got stuck to Station when you were escaping so now Left Eye has one evil, red eye that can see in the dark, but also haunts her with vile appetites.
Steve: Like she gets hungry for Cracker Combos and Wendy's breakfast items?
Zack: Close. Decaying human flesh.
Steve: What about Station?
Zack: He's still with you. E is hiding him in Compton in his own house next door to E's. People mind their own business in Compton.
Zack: Saddam is still alive and un-nuked. Bill Clinton is elected president.
Steve: So can we stop Saddam from destroying the world?
Zack: Funny you should mention...because that's exactly what you will do in the upcoming 1990s Call of Cthulhu late night bikini action module, Hard Ticket to Baghdad.
Zack: Coming soon!
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
Guess what's back? Frosty tundras! And me.
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
We review every game from the last 2 months, plus all 21 SNES Classic titles
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.