Zack: You are driving aimlessly with a thousand pound mythos monster in the back of your van. Where are you going?
Steve: All the clues are pointing to Morton Downey being in league with some sort of radiation cult of Yith or something, but that doesn't explain why the whole cult was murdered back at that compound in Salton Sea. Someone else is involved here. It's time we go directly to the source for some answers. There is a presidential debate tonight, right?
Zack: Yes, at Mann's Chinese Theatre. Hundreds of people will be attending the debate, including Governor Bill Clinton and President George H.W. Bush. Millions will be watching on TV.
Steve: So security is going to be pretty tight. We'll have to disguise Station.
Zack: You're going to take the servitor to the debate?
Steve: In disguise!
Zack: How are you going to disguise a shapeless monster as big as a horse?
Steve: We'll think of something. We're famous people.
Zack: You drive to Hollywood. Eazy-E no longer has to speak in reggae slang and Kurt is effectively healed, so the full team is back in action. Traffic is worse than usual heading onto Hollywood Boulevard and soon you see that there is a police perimeter around Mann's.
Steve: We need to find a catering truck or something. We can hide Station inside that.
Zack: There is a catering truck parked just inside the perimeter. You'll have to get past the police though. There are tons of people here and some of them are already staring at your van.
Steve: It's the cool air brushed stuff on the side, right?
Zack: That and the weird tentacles wiggling out of one one of the windows. Also the front wheels are almost off the ground because Station has made it so back heavy.
Steve: What we need is a distraction.
Steve: Does Left Eye still have any explosives?
Zack: If you blow up a bomb the debate is going to be canceled. I assume your ultimate goal is to get close to Morton Downey?
Steve: Fair enough. What about Station? Any spells that might help?
Zack: Most of his other spells allow him to summon and command other monsters.
Steve: Which monsters?
Zack: He can summon Azathoth.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.