Zack: You are in a long and crumbling hallway. You can hear the alarmed hooting of the triple-women and their triple-kids as they flee down whatever triple-hole they escaped. The hallway runs to the west. Ahead of you it turns north or continues west.

Steve: As a metal master born of the northern frost womb I will turn north and praise be to the ancient gods of legend.

Zack: The hallway continues north for some time. You come upon a door on the eastern wall and ahead you can see an archway. A foreboding archway.

Steve: Alright, well I'm not about to be intimidated by some sort of an archway, but let me check out this room first.

Zack: Oh, a free room, I get to make up the encounter. Okay, you hear the thumping bass line of solid house music as you open the door and surprise a group of acolytes. There is a wizard using cantrips to make flashing lights above a wide floor. Several acolytes are dancing with lady skeletons and seem very put off by you opening the door on their raver party.

Steve: Dirty dancing?

Zack: Yep.

Steve: Worshipers of Charmander, I offer but one warning. Release your ribby harlots and surrender your light show, renounce your conduct unbecoming and declare Charmander is the worst dude and a molester.

Zack: "Orrrrr what?" demands a beefy warrior acolyte with leather armbands with tassels around his bulging biceps.

Steve: Or THIS and Yngwulf's fingers shriek through the solo from Balls of Vecna, demonstrating my soul-bending fret powers.

Zack: The beefy acolyte who challenged you is blasted with the smoking, frost blasts of sonic wreckage until he freezes in place and is covered with ice. You hit a sustained note and he shatters into flash-frozen giblets. The other acolytes are stunned and horrified. The lady skeletons clack in awe of your shredding power.

Steve: I'm going to go around the room with one of my adventuring bags and make them put all their treasure in the bag.

Zack: They take off their rings and torcs and skeleton lady wigs and they place them into your loot bag.

Steve: Thank you for your donations to the cause! Are there any other doors out of here?

Zack: No. Just the foreboding archway out in the hall.

Steve: Time to confront that archway. Knock it down a peg or two.

Zack: As you approach the archway you can see that the hallway continues north but it is also intersected by another hallway running east and west.

Steve: Okay, well I'm heading east.

Zack: As you pass beneath the archway you feel a click under your feet. Fortunately, no pit opens. You turn down the eastern corridor and ahead of you on the northern wall are two doors. There is a third door on the northern wall some ways down the hall, then the hall crumbles into ruins.

Steve: That archway wasn't so tough. I'm heading through the first door.

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2018 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.