Tighty Whitey Adult or Teen Costume

Pull Your Pants Up

Costume includes: Jumpsuit style costume with 'Tighty Whitey' on the shorts. Velcro back enclosure.

Available size:

  • One size fits most.

Dr. Thorpenstein: This is just a flawed premise. Have you ever seen someone sagging their pants in briefs?

Zackula: I think that's a Chinese thing.

Dr. Thorpenstein: That shit would get you laughed out the hood.

Zackula: This is the postmodern equivalent of the tuxedo t-shirt.

Zackula: Which I'm pretty sure was postmodern enough already.

Dr. Thorpenstein: You think maybe really rich guys wear this to their yacht parties?

Zackula: Yeah, I can just see George Soros on a yacht with Al Franken taking tiny steps over to the bar to get another flute of champagne.

Zackula: Although this is the perfect costume for people who don't own things like shirts and pants and underwear and dignities. Just guys with a baseball cap and some Timberlands.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Actually, yeah, this would be a really good investment if you're too poor to buy separate clothes and just need one garment that looks like a full outfit.

Zackula: And you don't have to run or bicycle or sit in a normal chair. You just plan on laying on couches and rolling across rooms.

Dr. Thorpenstein: I wonder if they make the equivalent of tuxedo shirts for really poor people, just a jumpsuit with a fake shirt and pants pattern printed on it.

Zackula: We could take it even a step further and have a tuxedo suit where the tuxedo pants are all the way down on the floor.

Dr. Thorpenstein: And the underwear shows, too, because if you're really poor, the illusion of underwear is an important status symbol.

Zackula: And it becomes so popular that a Homeland Security guy dresses up in blackface in an actual tuxedo with the pants down going as a homeless guy in one of your tuxedo jumpsuits.

Dr. Thorpenstein: If I may comment upon the model and not the photo, I really dig his "carrying an imaginary baguette" pose and his super-serious "I have places to go with this baguette" face.

Zackula: It takes an exuberant white man to accurately convey the stupidity of most of these costumes. Calm and serious Asian dude doesn't cut it.

Dr. Thorpenstein: He's lending a little too much credibility to the proceedings.

Zackula: For costumes you need to look as witless as possible and only white guys can pull that off. The sort of serene stupidity of a petting zoo animal set loose in the wild.

Dr. Thorpenstein: I guess maybe he's just really tackling this role with everything he's got because it's the only job for an Asian in the entertainment industry.

Zackula: "Hey, look guys, sorry, we only make one Star Trek a year and one of you is futuristic enough."

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Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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