ive e (12)

"My style is Japan-inspired. I always wear a dress or a skirt. First I found manga and afterwards I found this style.

These clothes are self made. This style is a way to fulfill my dreams. I've always liked this kind of clothes.
Kana is my style role model. She's playing here tonight."

Zack: If a retarded eight-year-old girl somehow got her paws on a magic lamp this is her wish.

Dr. Thorpe: I'm kinda diggin this one because it plays right into my lolita chinchilla albino knock-kneed homely baby rape fantasy.

Zack: Imagine some sort of horrible planet where this is an effective military camouflage. Like a planet-sized half-melted shelf of American Girl Dolls left to mold and spore.

Dr. Thorpe: This is the kind of outfit they find on a dead girl at the beginning of Law & Order: SVU, and it makes Stabler purse his lips and call his daughter.

Dr. Thorpe: "What's wrong, dad?" "Nothing, honey. I just wanted to say I love you, and stay away from the anime club, OK?"

Zack: She even says "First I found manga and afterwards I found this style." Moral of the story - the moral of all stories - is to avoid manga.

Dr. Thorpe: Wait, what? I thought manga was the plural of mango.

Zack: No, manga is Japanese for "secret yankee culture poison."

Dr. Thorpe: I just looked it up, and the literal translation is "stop bathing and buy a sword."

Zack: Do you realize we're the last generation of people that didn't grow up with a manga aisle in our bookstores? There are people reading this born in like 1989 that see this picture and think, "I don't get what's wrong with that" as they stroke their ermine rabbit doll with monster hooters.

Dr. Thorpe: Right now Richard Belzer and Ice T are shaking down her friends at the manga shop, and Ice T goes "you mean they dress up like a comic book? In my hood that would get you beat up," and Belzer quips, "well in this hood, it gets you killed." And then they share a look. I swear, those two have more chemistry than Stabler and Benson.

Zack: I have to admit, I haven't watched Law & Order in years. Me and my anime club are way too busy with our Bleach translations.

Dr. Thorpe: Go turn on USA, if you hurry you can catch the last 152 hours of tonight's daily mini-marathon.

Zack: I can't change the channel, both TiVo tuners are busy with Avatar and Naruto.

Dr. Thorpe: "This style is a way to fulfill my dreams." Yeah, we've all had the one where we're an eskimo rabbit pedo sex cake.

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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