Backyard Love

MC CAUCASIAN GHOST: Yo yo ya horny bitch. I'm gonna answer dis one Slim Shady style:

MC Caucasian ghost is your host with the most
I don't really care if you a bitch from east or west coast
But you lady in the office wants to have some bouncy-bounce?
Let me buy ya a 40 and drink it by the ounce
You a little pissed about the little window shoppin?
I got a World War II handgun so its caps I'll be poppin'
I won a bunch of matches and I fight playaz day and nightly
Makin all crippled after facin' Whitey Mighty
I face you playahs and grabs your hair
Then I throw you off da trampoline and hit ya with a barbwire chair.

Also just tell him you open to bidness like the bitch ho you are wit a sly whisper you stank ho.

"BADASS" SHAWN MCCULLUM: Hello horny office gal! A/S/L???! Up in the great green north we have no time for your mating dances! Last year when I was at the Toronto Argunauts game and I couldn't wrestle because I was too big a man for all the floozers who hang out in my league where I am the real star, a young lady batted the eyebrows at me and there was none of this delay of game or such-and-such State nonsense! LOL! ROTFL! You Americans messed up your election but ours was over in just a few hours! LOLOL! Why you make jokes about us and our proud Mounties makes me mad and our beer is FAR better and we have better skiers and the Blue Jays won the world series once and many of America's so called "celebrities" are from Canada. And wrestlers too of course like the Hart family and Bret and OWEN (rest in peace bros) and I know a cousin of theirs who spells his name "Haert" but is still related and I nearly broke his back when I threw him into a deck and he landed on a bird bath at weird angle but the pics are at my web site and you should just pin your legs behind your ears or whatever you women do.

SKELETON SPANKS: Your problem, foolish miscreant, is that you have too many "buts" and not enough "butts." Nothing quite takes the mind of a love-lost like an arousing match with an opponent who is equal or better than you, preferably wearing very tight Spandex pants which hug his body like a very tight condom around a man-steak. You must shift your obsession away from this so-called "ex-girlfriend" and move to a more healthy and wholesome activity such as the sport of backyard wrestling as I, Skeleton Spanks did.

I used to be a professional hoodlum, forever encountering the patrons of the law during a particular "roughshod" spot of my life. I had been investigated for violating some silly-such nonsense state rules regarding photos of children who I honestly thought to be of legal age but upon lawful investigation turned out to be 3 years old. Upon being released from my vile holding-cell, I realized I needed to take my mind off such an unhealthy passion. The pure physical activity of backyard wrestling did it for me! I now don a mask so various law-enforcement cannot discern my identity from my opponent dressed in a bloody Pokemon outfit and I begin the spanking of defeat. Don a mask and challenge the lady-friend to a friendly wrestling event and if after the ordeal is finished you still feel regret, break her arms and apply a forceful blow to her ass cheeks.

EL TERROR DE FUEGO: BACK IN THE RUNNING DAYS MY LADY MARITIA SAID IT WAS TIME TO BE WED BUT THIS I DID NOT REMEMBER SAYING YES TO. WHY DO WOMEN ALWAYS PICK THE WORST TIME? I WAS IN A MATCH WITH THE TERRIBLE TUMOR AND I WAS ABOUT TO FINISH HIM UP AND PICK AT HIS SKULL, BUT THE WOMAN WHO THE NAME ESCAPES ME BITCHED ABOUT GETTING A BABY OR KNOCKING ON A DOOR AND GETTING A BABY SLICED INTO HER BELLY! IT WAS SILLY BECAUSE IN THE ARENA OF DEATH THE ONLY EXIT IS THE DEATH AND FIRE OF MY VARIOUS VERTICAL SPINE RIPPING MOVES.

AT A BACHELOR PARTY IT IS CUSTOMARY TO HAVE A RELATION WITH A ILL REPUTE BUT DOES THIS METHOD OF LIFE STICK TO YOUR SOUL??? I WILL SEE FOR MYSELF WHEN I RIP IT FROM MY LIFELESS OPPONENT AND ENGAGE IN THE REPLACEMENT OF HIS KEY VITAL ORGANS WITH FURNITURE ADORNING THE RINGSIDE.

SERVANTS OF MISERY: As darkness descends upon the end of a human's pointless existence, it is customary to attempt to mask his failure in life by the demeaning of others. We fell pray to this ourselves back in the school days when pretty girls like you were sleeping with your daddy and kissing up to the football captain and this was when our despair seeped to its lowest point. However now that we unleash the unholy fury of the power of our Dark Lord upon those foolish enough to oppose us in the square circle, we no longer harbor such deep regrets. So enjoy the thought of your male friends going camping, only to spend hours of passion beneath nature's unyielding gaze as they engage in unnatural debauchery. Or, if you prefer, the fresh image of an aging whore's painted lip as she milks the dark seed from another future Knight of Satan's service. Fucking ignorant tramp.

WE HAVE PASSED JUDGMENT UPON YOU AND THE VERDICT IS YOUR SOUL! PAY THE ETERNAL BAILIFF ON YOUR WAY TO DEATH'S CANYON!