Well, I guess my luck has finally run out; I'm finally going to be murdered by, and due to, the internet. I'd like to thank everybody who visited Something Awful and helped make it what it is today: a website that caused me to become a much more murdered person than I previously was.
This email, one of 189 received, was from a disgruntled individual who simply cannot determine the exact reason we banned him from the forums (I'll give you a hint: HE'S FUCKING NUTSO). After re-registering and getting re-banned what seems like several million times, he decided to begin contacting all the mods and admins (myself included), and notify us of his impending plans to murder and / or sue us all. Again, this is completely rational and justified behavior on a comedy website.
Since I will soon become a murdered person, I decided to read and record one of my murderer's many eloquent and amazing messages. I figured doing this would become a much more difficult task to accomplish after I'm dead, which is why I now present to you this Death Threat From the Internet. And once again, thanks.
With eight movies fighting for Oscar gold, which one will win? I don't know! But you don't either.
Any forum poster worth their salt will gladly inform you (without being asked) that genre fiction is, in fact, garbage for children. You are not reading a real book unless it is difficult and mildly unpleasant. Test your READING MACHISMO with these truly challenging works.
Saving a village of khaki Rastafarians from the confetti geyser. AGAIN.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.