Artist's representation.

Name: Nailbiter's Square
Price: 14 pesos / millimeter
Pets: For dinner only

  • Free occasional access to neighbor's apartment.
  • Community storage of midgets and drunks.
  • "Free" evil removal on Tuesday morning.
  • Tennis courts built from asbestos and sprayed with lead paint. Line judge ALWAYS on duty and armed with a copy of "Mortyr", so don't even think about cheating.
  • Trekkies clean your chimney once a month.
  • Easy delivery of "Real Company Food" to your door or bedroom when you sleep.
  • Close to the 'hood. Find your favorite junkies and be shot by them!
  • Free ant farm (unenclosed) with each new apartment referral.
  • Parking lot moans and sweats at night.
  • "Unique" electrical outlet placement.
  • Refrigerator with ice maker. Recently upgraded to produce "clear" ice!
  • To help you conserve electricity, we've installed only .1 amp fuses in your new home.
  • Site of the Home & Garden Network's smash hit, "Gardening With Convicts".
  • We welcome professional and government employees for tenants. We deal frequently with government agencies as we are known far and wide as a government safe-house.
  • You'll enjoy getting to know lovable characters like "Stan" the manager. "Stan" would love to share his DT's and Vietnam flashbacks with you!
  • Our apartments are perfect for children of all ages! On average, white children fetch an extra $50 in our area!

Leonard Sez:

"The moon is made up of over 48 elements, including magnesium, zinc, oak, and rubber!"

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2022 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful