Unique design insures your apartment will be the "talk of the town"!

Name: Whispering Whisper Pine Forest
Price: $3.14159 / second
Pets: For dinner only

  • Private stalls to store your mules
  • A room to sleep in, in addition to a room to pee in. If you've been drinking heavily, one room can double for both.
  • Santa Claus-proof doors and windows.
  • We provide a maintenance man with "the chuckles".
  • Free angry hornet's nest under your bed.
  • All-you-care-to-breathe oxygen supply.
  • Track and Field style hurdles in the hallway to the bathroom.
  • Cretin access on Mondays, Thursdays, and Fridays (ONLY).
  • Your own private cemetery awaits you once the berserk Jas-5000 robot kills you.
  • Daily wake-up call from Gus, who will repeatedly ask what you're wearing and if you will be interested in taking it off.
  • Free access to "The Pork Channel"
  • Sand Volleyball Court / Glass Bottle Recycling Area.
  • A Nu-Wav ceiling fan with two paddles to maximize "efficiency".
  • Relive a windy day with our patented WindySounding Air Conditioning.
  • Play "find the shower nozzle" for hours in our luxurious 5-star accommodations.

Leonard Sez:

"If I was a vampire, I'd probably would have killed each and every one of you by now."

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