UPDATE: Mr. Dr. Sr. Derek M. Smart PHD MD PCI has threatened to sue me! Mission accomplished!

From: Derek Smart dsmart@3000ad.com
To: lowtax@somethingawful.com
Cc: legal@3000ad.com
Sent: Wednesday, March 03, 2004 2:20 PM
Subject: UC parody review on SA


I get the whole "parody" thing (always have) but please don't misrepresent what happened with the folks at eToyChest.

First of all, here is the review and comments and below is a statement that Michael "Cuthbert" Marks made. My comments about having my attorneys contact him had NOTHING to do with the review whatsoever. I don't give a toss about the review and this is quite clearly stated in my comments to the review on his website.

This comment in his forum, clearly states his intent as to the "review" of the game.

"I had actually planned on editing the review in regards to this, the morning after it was posted. Of course, when I got in to work, I saw the shitstorm he was brewing up here, and on his website, and decided to leave it how it was.

Like 99% of the gaming community, I was barely aware of who Derek Smart was before I started writing the review. I had played his other games, but I never paid attention to his hijinx. If I knew then what I know now, the review would have probably been more caustic than it was. The guy's a sociopathic bully, and that's the main reason why he can't get a good game released.

Oh, well. None of this even matters, really. The release of this game is a non-issue. Nobody cares. The only interesting thing that can come from this game's release is seeing how many lawsuits he ends up filing to cover up how bad his game is. That does seem to be his M.O., after all."

And there is parody and then their is libel. Stating as fact that I was convicted of bank fraud, is NOT funny - and I can 100% guarantee you, is not within the legal guidelines of fair use parody. Especially since you clearly describe the topic as an intent to libel. I am asking you nicely to please remove or rephrase it in your article.

And just so you don't go and - once again - type up shit that I didn't say, I have bcc'ed several third parties on this email.

Look, I know some of you think you're above the law because you are on the net, but I never have and never will take legal action against ANYONE in the media. But if you bastards make me set an example, it won't be a good one. And trust me - I don't think any of you have enough pennies to rub together to outspend me. So whatever you do, don't test my resolve. I'm NOT taking this shit anymore.

You will not get another email from me about this. Just remember that I did send it.

Derek Smart Ph.D.
Designer/Lead Developer
Universal Combat - The Future Of Engagement
Imagine It. Do it. No limits.

"Squirrels with very cold paws have less trouble getting into peanut
butter than the average uninitiated Homo Sapien has in getting into a
Battlecruiser game. - Tim Stone, PC Gamer #133 Review"

My reply:

From: lowtax@somethingawful.com
To: Derek Smart
Sent: Wednesday, March 03, 2004 4:19 PM
Subject: Re: UC parody review on SA

Dear Doctor Smart,

As per your request, I have changed the offending remark.

"When he was convicted of bank fraud in 1994"

has been altered to:

"When he was convicted of bank fraud and raping an entire petting zoo in 1994"

I hope this is satisfactory.

- Dr. Richard Kyanka, PHD

Updates will be added as they occur!

- Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)

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