stevie - yeah you did, look on your history!
Lowtax - Hmmm... I guess I did. Sorry, must've passed out for a second and hit my head on the keyboard! I got a few concussions, and I sometimes pass out for a few seconds. Sorry, pardner!
stevie - why do people throw bottles at your heads?
Lowtax - It's a Texas tradition! Don't yall know nothin' about Texas?
stevie - I'm from England, I don't know much about Texas.
Lowtax - Don't yall get ESPN 5? We're on after "Backyard Wrasslin' Bonanza"!
stevie - no, we don't get that channel. Do you get a lot of money for this?
Lowtax - Yeah, I paid for my wife with the money I earned from winning "The San Antonio Salad Toss" last year!
stevie - You bought your wife???
Lowtax - Yeah, but just one of 'em. The other two I gots on my own!
stevie - you have three wifes???
Lowtax - Yeah, nothing's wrong with that! Can't you have multiple wives wherever you live?
stevie - huh?
Lowtax - What?
stevie - no, what?
Lowtax - Huh?
stevie - your only supposed to have one wife!
Lowtax - Nah, not down here. Cindy, the blonde, gets on my nerves when I go out drinkin'. See, I get all jumpy when I'm liquored up, I start hoppin' and rotating all over the place like a crazy nut after a few shots, and Cindy got mad at me for that.
stevie - well, everybody drinks. That shouldnt be a big deal, I guess.
Lowtax - I know!!! That's what I told her! But one day after I picked her up from the hospital, she was still mad because I got drunk and dropped plaster on her head.
stevie - hmm!
Lowtax - It was an accident though! Me and Spermy Joe were repainting the attic!
stevie - oh, that sounds unreasonable of her then!
Lowtax - EXACTLY! So after I threw the plaster at her, I pushed her into the cornfield and me and Spermy Joe tried to run her down with the tractor!
stevie - what???
Lowtax - Huh?
stevie - no, what did you do?
Lowtax - What?
stevie - you tried to run her over with the tractor?
Lowtax - Oh, yeah, I do that sometimes. She asks me to, because she's getting a little fat and needs to exercise. Me, I work out by practicing for next month's "Big Texas Monsters of Rodeo" on ESPN 7. I gotta work up my resistance to mule poison or else I'm gonna get my ass kicked during the "Tuscaloosa Fornication" event!
stevie - what about your other wifes? Aren't they jelous?
Lowtax - Well, Beth gets jealous sometimes. She says I spend too much time at work and working out and shit, beating on shit and stuff, and she's worried that IOH{ASFPIH$)*Y@JKLuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
stevie - what?
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.
