Bikini Law Firm(1996)

Directed by:
Harold Wells

Writing credits:
Harold Wells

Genre: Comedy / Erotic / Legal Drama (more)

Tagline: These lawyers will make you pound your gavel!

Plot Outline: When two bumbling brothers inherit a failing law firm from their uncle, they attempt to save it from financial ruin by hiring a harem of scantily-clad lawyers. Based on a true (more) (view trailer)

User Comments: Really there weren't many bikinis, it was mostly lingerie and nudity, I don't know what these shitheads think they're trying to fucking pull on me but let me tell you (more)

User Rating: A STAR!? A STAR!? A STAR!? A STAR!? A STAR!? A STAR!? A STAR!!!! A STAR!!!! NO STAR!!!! NO STAR!!!! NO STAR!!!! NO STAR!!!! 4.1 / 10 (4.1 votes)

Credited cast:
Kristi Ducati....Shiela
Stella Stevens....Judge Kitty
Dan Banks....Dan
Lauren Hays....Amanda
J.J. North....Felicia
Paul Hannum....Billy
Avalon Anders....Amanda
Floyd Irons....Chip
Amy Lynn Baxter....Amanda
Gregory S. O'Rourke....Lance

Also Known As: La Legalidad de Tetas (Mexico)
Runtime: USA: 85 min
Country: USA
Language: Valley English / English
Color: Color (Coppertone)
Sound Mix: Montage Magic

AMDB Goofs
  • Errors made by characters (possibly intentional on the part of the filmmakers): As of the time of this filming, there was no actual legal concept called "babe-eas corpus."
  • Revealing mistakes: When a blackened Amanda rebuckles her sternum after the unspeakable incident, the moans of the helpless damned can be heard trembling through the stale air.
  • Audio/visual unsynchronized: During Dan and Felicia's love scene, Felicia can be heard saying "ooh, that's good." However, her lips appear to be shouting "don't pop them."
  • Revealing mistakes: In the background of the legal workout montage, Kristi Ducati appears to be a semigelatinous, hobbling trunk. It is speculated that the producers lacked enough alchemical-grade sulfur to fully conjure her for that day of shooting.
  • Plot holes: If Lance was disbarred after Judge Kitty caught him having sex with Amanda in the closet, he could not have legally presided over any limbo contest in the state of California.
  • Factual errors: Judge Kitty's statement that murder trials are settled via wet t-shirt contest "all the time" is inaccurate. In fact, only two murder cases have ever been decided in this manner, and only one resulted in a conviction, which was later overturned when it was revealed that several erect nipples, which strained at the translucent fabric that tantalizingly revealed every detail of the prosecutor's ample bosoms, had not been notarized.
  • Miscellaneous: When the professor gives his lecture to the court about female breasts, a portion of his diagram is labeled "Center of Grabity", which is a typo. It should read "Center of Grabbity."
AMDB Trivia
  • This is one of twenty Harold Wells movies that feature the word "Bikini" in the title. Others include Bikini Landfill (1993), Bikini Caveman (1993), Bikini Spaceport (1993), Bikini Big & Tall Shoppe (1993), Bikini Drug Syndicate (1993), Bikini Bathing Suit Shop (1993), Bikini Parking Garage (1993), Bikini Flea Market (1993), Bikini Gynecologist Practice (1993), Bikini Caveman II (1993), Bikini Rest Area (1993), Bikini Bonfire of the Vanities (1993), Bikini Abattoir (1993), Bikini Diamond Cartel (1993), Bikini Stockbrokers (1993), Bikini Retirement Villa (1994), Bikini Hillbillies (1995), and Bikini Journalists (1995).
  • The classic "brothers inherit failing business from uncle" plot, used in almost every one of Harold Wells' "Bikini" films was inspired by the death of his uncle Golan Wells, who left young Harold and his brother an already-profitable Bikini Rodeo in his will.
  • Director trademark: Food spilling from woman's mouth as she opens a jury summons.
  • Harold Wells offered Avalon Anders the role of Amanda after seeing her practice topless law in Fred Olen Ray's 1994 film Bikini Law School. Fearful of being typecast, Anders insisted that her role be rewritten as a bikini court recorder.
  • Cameo: Julie Strain as Chief Justice of the Boobreme Court
  • The tension between Harold Wells and fellow b-list director Fred Olen Ray came to a head when Ray poached actress Griffin Drew from the production of Bikini Law Firm. Drew, who was originally going to play the role of Amanda, defected to Ray's concurrently filmed Bikini Pulp Mill (1996). An outraged Wells stormed the set of Ray's picture and spray-painted swastikas on every camera lens. Ray, bizarrely determined to "call [Wells'] bluff," continued shooting with swastikas imprinted on every scene. Bikini Pulp Mill went on to become Ray's most successful film.
  • Director trademark: Bikini removed from sunbathing woman by elaborate Rube Goldberg machine.
  • Actress J.J. North raised objections to the scene wherein rival attorneys sabotage the Bikini Law Firm's case by releasing a flood of lingerie from a panel on the ceiling, compelling the ladies to try it all on in an extended musical montage; calling the scene "borderline antifeminist," North refused to perform it unless a subtitle was added explaining that women cannot resist lingerie.
  • Harold Wells, a self-proclaimed "neorealist," struggled with self-doubt throughout the writing of the film, erroneously believing that the process of passing the California Bar Exam and becoming licensed to practice law was simply too complicated to be conveyed accurately in a musical montage interspersed with topless volleyball scenes.
AMDB Memorable Quotes
Dan: Come on, what's the matter, dude?
Billy: I have of late- wherefore I know not- lost all my mirth.
Dan: L.A., dude! Welcome to Malibu Beach! Soak up the sun, check out the beach babes; are we in paradise, or what?
Billy: And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of sand?
Dan: Buck up, little bro. We're in the land of surfin' dudes and bodacious babes!
Billy: Surfin' dudes delight not me. No, nor woman neither.

Randolph: No! Boys! Stop!
Dan: Run, Billy, he wants to arrest us for pissing in the hedge!
Randolph: No, no, no! I'm not a police officer! I'm your late uncle Barry's lawyer!
Dan: Say what?

Billy: O my prophetic soul! My uncle!
Randolph: You see, boys, he left you the Malibu Law Firm. Apparently you're his only living relatives!
Billy: My father's brother, but no more like my father than I to Hercules.

Dan: What Billy's trying to say, your honor, is that the old coot hated our old man, and he double-hated us!

Dan: This is hopeless, Billy. We'll never raise enough money to pay the property taxes unless there's some kind of miracle!

Billy: Our indiscretion sometimes serves us well.
Dan: Billy, are you talking about babes? I swear, Billy, you're some kinda genius!

Dan: So, Amanda, you must be here for the lawyer audition.
Amanda: A lawyer? But I thought this was a swimsuit calendar shoot!
Dan: It can be both, can't it? Now let's see how you look& without the bikini.
Billy: Be not too tame neither, but let your own discretion be your tutor.
Amanda: Well okay, I guess!

– Dr. David Thorpe (@Arr)

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