From: 0Cool@planetquake3.net
To: lowtax@somethingawful.com

I really need to speak to you...K?

From: lowtax@somethingawful.com
To: 0Cool@planetquake3.net

I am afraid that due to the aforementioned reasons, I will not be able to speak to you via phone. Mr. Leonard Crabs, my head attorney, has informed me that all communication must be performed over email. There is also a darker, most sinister reason behind this.

Truth be told, every time I talk to somebody over the phone, Leonard stands in the background and actively mocks me by shouting "devil penis!" every time I attempt to speak. As you can imagine, this makes for some very convoluted and confusing phone calls. With this in mind, I must ask you to limit your dialogue with me to email. This will also allow me to keep copies of the letters for tax purposes, because "Big Brother" is always trying to horn in on my business. I hope you understand.

-Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

From: 0Cool@planetquake3.net
To: lowtax@somethingawful.com

OK meet me in IRC on irc.enterthegame.com #planetquake3

From: lowtax@somethingawful.com
To: 0Cool@planetquake3.net

I would love to, but unfortunately they do not make an IRC client for my operating system, Jeffque v.40. I am forced to use this OS because I used to use Windows, but it did not offer support for the CAD / CAM programs I have to use for my fulltime job (I design hanggliders and fireproof weather balloons). I will not be able to join your chatroom on IRC, but will have to settle for communicating via email. Please direct any concerns / questions you have for me here.

Deepest apologies,

-Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)

More Legal Threats

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2021 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful