First person shooter games have enjoyed a long and profitable run, churning out billion-dollar franchise darlings such as Call of Duty, Call of Duty 2: Modern Warfare 2, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2: Ancient Warfare 1, Call of Cthulhu's Duty, and whatever other Call of Duty sequels I may have forgotten. Unfortunately, nobody seems to recall the less popular FPS titles, which might be one reason why they are considered "less popular." Today we'll take a look at the 17 most awful FPS games we've played this year, which can easily be considered the most awful FPS games ever, assuming an alien race starts immediately carpet bombing our planet and prevents additional individuals from continuing this horrid trend of garbage. This list comes courtesy of our Youtube channel, Video Game Abominations Broadcasting.
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#17: "Rotten Prison"
The most least worst of our games wins the distinctive prize of "actually being entertaining," by way of including a ludicrously overpowered shotgun and insanely designed enemies. Would you like to explore the violent, weird mind of a highly damaged 13-year old boy who has apparently suffered several million strokes that interrupted his ongoing asphyxiation? Welcome to the exciting and strange world of "Rotten Prison," a virtual jail packed full of disfigured cartoon characters, crying babies, and urine-soaked keys! It's everything you could ever want, assuming you've set the bar pretty low, want-wise.
Okay, I've got to admit I have absolutely no idea what's happening in this game, but I willingly give it credit for happening at such a fast speed. Travel through the exotic world of [WHATEVER] as a [SOME STUPID NAME] soldier who must travel at 400 miles an hour, shooting everything that moves and many things that don't. It's like crushing up Adderall and dumping it into a fishbowl full of Monster Energy Drinks, chugging the concoction to wash away the bitter taste of all that meth you just smoked. CHECKPOINT!
#15: "Save Captain Kirk!"
Captain Kirk is in trouble and requires saving! Are you a bad enough redshirt to free the world's most eligible space bachelor from his filthy mud-encrusted prison? We sure as hell weren't, and subsequently gave up after 10 minutes or so. This exciting, banal game is one of countless titles that combines Doom-engine graphics with Gamemaker-engine engines to produce something that's not only uninteresting, but tremendously boring as well. I doubt anybody has saved Captain Kirk and I seriously doubt anybody ever will.
It needs to consume human tissue! It needs to speak to your manager!
Scourgelord Vilius Mandragore gave a speech from our shattered capital on Friday and we are here to fact check his claims about his million year empire.
Reason 9: Ongoing mechanical issues with the internal Superman 64 fog machine.
It is said the Lord did write upon the sky, "Only the Most Awful shall be cataloged herein." And a wind did come and blow away the words and turn them into a skull. And the writers did fall upon their knees and give thanks, for yea, the Most Awful was good. Thus the lists were born. Read them, sons and daughters, and be strong.