Thank you for stopping by but our business is currently closed dUE TO THE PULSING RAGE FLoWING THROUGH OUR FUCKING BODIES!
We apologize for smashing everything up inside and cannot properLY EVEN LOOK YOU MOTHERFUCKERS IN THE FACE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING COMING TO GET YOUR HAIRCUT YOU SHOULD BE OUT IN THE STREETS THROWING MOLOTOV COCKTAILS!!
Bloodless cowards, CRAVEN PIGS DESERVING OF NOTHING LESS THAN PAINFUL SLAUGHTER! YOUR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS, HARVESTED BY OUR HATRED! LAID LOW IN GORE-DRENCHED STREETS!!!
We appreciate all of our customers at the Hairplace and ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO RAISE THE STANDARD OF FIRE AND DEATH! THE SHACKLES ARE OFF OUR LIMBS! THE RAGE FILLS US WITH A SINGULAR PURPOSE! DESTROY! DESTROY ALL THINGS!
WE ARE OUT FOR ANGER! WE ARE OUT UNTIL WE SLAKE THIS PRIMAL THIRST! NO MORE HAIRCUTS! NO MORE LUBE JOBS! NO MORE ANYTHING BUT THE FIRE AND DEATH! FOR TOO LONG THE SEEDS OF THIS MOMENT HAVE BEEN SOWN IN OUR FLESH! NOW YOU COME INTO OUR STORE? NOW??? IT IS OVER!!!
In these contentious political times it is more important than ever to work together in a bipartisan way with the people who said I should be thrown out of a helicopter for being an Antifa terrorist.
This Halloween, log off and visit your friends at the local Halloween Superstore.
Better than expected, and absolute garbage
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.