If you are looking for a fun, welcoming environment where your child can play, make friends, and learn, then look no further than somewhere else. You are barking up the wrong tree coming to Giggle Tots Daycare, kemosabe. Does your kid have their own logo? Their own font? You might as well be sending them into the world naked.

You want one of those OJ and graham cracker, sing-a-long learning babysitter operations then head over to Montesuckers. We are a pro-building dynamic learning environment for competitive pre-K. G.Y.B.B. is our philosophy. Grow your baby's brand. They're going to toddle into Giggle Tots as a wad of clay in a diaper, and they are going to toddle out of here a fully formed kinetic brand who also may still be wearing a diaper. We are pro-PT, but we don't cover potty training.

What we do offer is a comprehensive deep-dive asset exploration of your two to four year old. Through a series of activities and questions we will help them locate their strength core and create development milestones to activate their brand potential.

We also offer to...

  • help them grow their LinkedIn network to prepare for the real world.
  • guarantee +1,000 twitter followers before Kindergarten.
  • teach meme crafting, crowd sourcing, swagger, and mirror class where the brand builders watch videos of themselves to understand how others perceive them.

Snack time is obso. We have crunch time with 5-hour energies and Diet Cokes. You get it done or you find someone who can get it done for you. Gluten free vegan cookies are available for winners. You read me, chief?

Our founder, Jet (or one of his tier one brand asset coaches) will offer a daily Webex for the kids to share mindspace. Jet's philosophy is pretty simple.

"It's key to understand who you are before stepping out into the world of K-12. You don't want to let others define you or you might get caught in a failure loop. Giggle Tots will help your son or daughter choose that pre-K brand, learn the tools necessary to grow it, and set the stage for success in Kingergarten and beyond."

Everybody wants a fun, happy child. The exceptional want an alpha. You want your kid left behind begging for Facebook likes and trying to advertise ebooks on blogs or do you want an idea-swarm trend tot on the edge? I think you know the answer.

Let us take your baby to the next level.

Zack is the author of the new short story collection Wages: Future Tales of a Hired Gun, a blood-soaked satire of private military contracting. He is also the author of the genre-hopping novel Liminal States, soon to be available as an audiobook. You can find out more about Zack's latest projects and special offers on his Facebook page.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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