"The Mysteriously Shrinking Outfit"
Flash Vol 1 #177
Key Moment
Flash: Now what the heck? This costume is tight in odd places. What's going on?
(thinks about it while pacing around his house at super speeds, hitting his head on every doorway)
Flash: I've got it! The sudden costume tightness, it all makes sense now! Puberty at last!
"Charades Gone Horribly Wrong"
Wonder Woman #109
Sometimes a hero's worst enemy is his own boredom.
Key Moment
Wonder Woman: Good job, Brian, you tiny orphan! Now it's the Flash's turn.
Brian: (watching the Flash raise an index finger) One word.
Wonder Woman: Great goddesses of Temyscira! What are you doing? The wind you're producing is unbearable!
Brian: Ah! For some reason my biker shorts and sleeveless jacket aren't protecting me at all! (he and Wonder Woman are blasted through a cement wall)
Flash: Geez. Come on, guys! It was clock. Clock! You didn't even try to guess!
"The Overbearing Uncle"
Flash Vol 2 #6
When uncle Larry comes to visit, no one is safe!
Key Moment
Uncle Larry: C'mere, you big galoot! Give your uncle a hug!
Flash: Nooooo!
Uncle Larry: HUG TIME! I live for this shit!
Flash: My back! Let me go!
Uncle Larry: Please stop squirming. This is really all I have left in life.
"World Hunger"
Flash Vol 2 #24
After coming face to face with the reality of world hunger, the world's fastest man deals with it the way that only he can.
Key Moment
Flash: Golly, these kids in Africa are starving to death! What can I do? I know! I'll run fast!
Kids: Yay! Go Flash! You can do it!
Flash: MUST... RUN... FASTER!
Flash: (three seconds later) Ah, Miami. This is much better.
"Tragedy"
Flash Vol 2 #76
Nothing can prepare you for this, the must gut-wrenching event in the history of the Flash. Will anything be the same again?
Key Moment
Flash: I just can't believe it... (sobbing) Anna Nicole was an inspiration to us all. How could this happen? Why, God?
(running faster than light as the tears roll down his face and fall off, sprinkling the soil of a dozen countries)
Flash: WHYYYYYY?
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Previous Articles
- The Great American Reach Around - The Northeast & The UK
- Nerd Rage News: A Look Back On 3-19-07
- The Factoids of Life
- District Bulletin: Public Elections
- Exposure to Celebrities May Render You Lame
