Peach Saliva: Fall is finally here! No more hot summer sweating into your jorts like the underside of a Christmas ham!

Asterios Kokkinos: Oh god, I'm going to be sick already.

PS: Thanks to this short, helpful guide, we can help you find more seasonally appropriate clothes to sweat into, you pig!

AK: Peach, I'm sitting right here. Why should I care about fall fashion, anyway? I still have plenty of Old Navy performance fleeces.

PS: Because Fall is nothing if not the season to dress like an asshole.

AK: Now you're speaking my language! Let's check out the hottest trends, fresh from the runway, for Fall/Winter 2016:

PS: Emulate a gravely injured looney tune. It's haute couture!

AK: I just googled "looney tunes vs. looney toons" to see if I could correct you, and you're right. It's "looney tune" and I apologize.


AK: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Lowtax would get mad at me if I didn't-


PS: The thick, hand woven knit really drives home how stupid you'll look oh my god.

AK: I like the oven mitts! I'm always losing my oven mittens.

PS: This winter is sure to be a cold one, so why not rock it in an ice cold vagina?

AK: Jesus Christ! Why is that the first place you go for everything?

PS: Because it's the first place I go for EVERYTHING.

AK: I wonder if it's too late to find another co-writer.

AK: I like this outfit because I have social anxiety. I won't be so nervous in meetings because I can't see anyone!

PS: This is the perfect ensemble for those days when you don't want to get caught jacking off on the subway.

AK: How much time are you spending doing that?!

PS: I have a shitload of time blocked out on my Google Calendar for it.

PS: It's Breast Cancer Awareness time, so everyone is obligated to wear a serious pair of comedy breasts.

AK: Honestly, put aside the photocopy of breasts and this is how I dress all the time.

PS: Even the man-dals?!

AK: You mean flip-flops?

PS: You're a fucking flip flop.

AK: I don't like conflict! Please be nice to me!

PS: Become the last thing you dropped under your couch. The ladies will love it!

AK: They made the gloves...puffy? They filled the gloves with cotton!! Now they're unusable as gloves!!

PS: Check out the hands slowly putting this guy in the crossface.

AK: The what?

PS: The crossface? It's a wrestling hold?!

AK: I get uncomfortable around conflict!!

PS: For the distinguished gentleman who loves Fallout, but wants to 'play a game' with Jigsaw.

AK: This is another great outfit! I could zip it up whenever someone made eye contact with me!

PS: Aren't you worried about getting your next caught in the zipper?!

AK: For the opportunity to be left alone? I'm willing to take that chance.

– Peach Saliva & Asterios Kokkinos (@asterios)

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