Well, we met on the Internet and everything was going great. After dinner we went back to his place and he held my eyes open with a couple of those Clockwork Orange clamps and then...nothing...a drizzle at best. It was terrible. He tried drinking a bottled water, some caffeine pills, nothing like the scalding fire hose of eye piss he promised on his bio.

File this one under "Sounded Good at the Time." I have a feeling the instant that jaw goes pop things are going to take a turn.

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2022 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful