Hey, Gamers: Do you like Super Mario, Doom, Animal Crossing, Forza, Civilization, Slay the Spire, and sandwiches?

Then you'll LOVE the hot new release: Maximum Outer Space

In Maximum Outer Space, you can smash your character's head on a brick to start your sports car. Once you've allocated enough citizens to horticultural resources, you'll drive at breakneck speed through the garden, trying to plant as many vegetables as possible. Better stalk up on roots from the local store run by an adorable cyborg walrus!

Want to start over? Just tap the A button and a nuclear bomb will destroy your entire town!

Once you grow 500 vegetables, you'll be able to make feed and start your own pig farm. Pigs can be used to harvest footballs. Using our new motion capture camera, you'll throw those footballs to stave of hordes of oncoming zombies. But don't hit the captured Princess Corncan, or you'll lose 500 experience notches!

The game produces flashing colors that cure depression in epileptics!

Multiply the fun by hopping into multiplayer mode. Your car will fuse together with cars from players around the world to form a giant robot. Use your robot to push the bomb-laden minecart into your home base, which is made of Legos. Form the broken Legos into 8-bit machine guns you can use to propel your robot over the frictionless surface of the Royal Coliseum!

Our in-controller microphone lets you communicate raid plans

with players who may or may not speak your language!

Earning all this gol (the in-game currency) can build up quite a hunger. Time to hop into the enchanted volcano and visit the sandwich shop. Strap on the special VR headset, and experience a sub-eating experience like none other. It's just like eating a regular sandwich, except without all that boring taste and nutrition!

Our neural sensors read your brainwaves for enhanced gameplay and ad inception!

So rush to the nearest store immediately, don't even stop to put on your Covid mask. If that store isn't open, throw a brick through the window and leave your money on the counter.

Maximum Outer Space: A game so amazing it qualifies as an essential service!

Evan "Drunk Nerds" Hoovlerhas a new book,Teaching with Comedy, published by Kaplan. He and two other goons co-own the fantasy football comedy conglomerate,Football Absurdity. Check back every Thursday so you can see if he finally has something new to peddle.

– Evan "Drunk Nerds" Hoovler (@evanhoovler)

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