The Orkin Man Attempts to Gain Entrance to Valhalla

WHAT IS IT?

See this here? It's called frass. The termites crap it out. You've got it all over your runic foot boards and crown molding. I'd bet they're in there behind it. If you got kids around here it can cause some real serious respiratory problems. These look like mastotermes. Giant SOBs.

SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

I'll bill this one as a consult. Just a half hour. And let me put together an estimate for you and talk to my boss. We can get in there with a thermograph and see where they are in the foundation. Then we can decide if it's a tent job or what.

BALLPARK ME

How many square feet?

INFINITE

Whew. Okay. Well, that's going to run you about a buck a square foot if we tent it. About half that if we just trap and spray and do some bore hole sprays on your beams. You can round it off if you need to.

YES, THIS IS ACCEPTABLE IF IT LASTS UNTIL RAGNAROK

20 year guarantee on the foundation work, but we'll have to do follow up sprays every spring and then reassess after 20 years. If you have any infestations prior to that 20 you just call me and I will come out personally and deal with this.

SOUNDS GOOD

If you can just have one of those flying women give me a lift back down to my van I can get this sorted.

OHHHH YEAH, UH, YOU SUFFOCATED TO DEATH SPRAYING TERMITES. I CANNOT SEND YOU BACK.

Sure, I understand. A lot of guys these days like to run it by the wife. Joint checking and what have you.

I MAINTAIN MY OWN FINANCES

If you want me to just fly over to Folkvangr and ask Freya I can get you squared away.

BEGONE BACK TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING!!!!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)