Every town, province, and country has its little-known laws that most of us would consider strange. From Urbana, Illinois banning monsters from entering city limits to Deerborn, Michigan declaring murder illegal, it seems as though any crazy law you can think of exists somewhere. All it takes to find the weirdest of the weird laws is a little digging.

Stockholm, Sweden - In an otherwise lawless society, one maxim governs the land: No fat chicks. Many have chalked this up to the Swedes' quirky humor. This law, however, is quite serious, as is evident in the 1997 execution of six protesters affiliated with People For The Ethical Treatment Of Humongous Fat Asses.

Fecal Creek, Florida - Opening your eyes while engaged in a kiss is considered rape. Making any sort of physical contact with another person while the lights on is considered bank robbery. Committing either of the above acts on a Sunday is

Sausalito, California - Proponents of the "Three Strikes" law, voters approved a 2006 bill that makes striking out in a baseball game (professional or amateur) a felony. As a byline of the measure, it is also illegal to cry while on the field, dugout or locker room.

Madrid, Spain - Between 3:29 PM and 6:47 PM, no citizen may ask another what time it is.

Altoona, Pennsylvania - Any citizen caught in the act of passing a note will have it read aloud on the local news.

Iran (national law) - Though Iranian culture is primarily known for its unabashed fondness of Pee Wee's Playhouse, when someone says "mecca" it is illegal to cut them off and blurt out "lekka hi mecca hiney ho!"

Branson, Missouri - Dogs cannot read, speak english, or grow to twelve times their original size when angered unless they have a permit.

Brisbane, Australia - You know how sometimes you'll sit with one foot tucked under you, then try to stand up but find that it's impossible to plant your foot because it's completely numb? Completely against the law.

Kilkeel, Ireland - Fantasizing about consuming human flesh while eating non-human flesh is illegal. Eating human flesh, however, is perfectly fine.

Ottawa, Canada - Using science to inhibit another person's sense of sight or blind them outright is strictly forbidden. This includes bringing an oversized microscope into a movie theater to block the screen.

Honolulu, Hawaii - No matter how strong the urge may be, no one can laugh when they see Jim. It's not his fault. Don't make him feel self-conscious. It's not right.

(worldwide) - It is against international law to weave a motorcycle between lanes and pop wheelies without documentation proving your status as an attention-starved asshole.

Toky, Japan - All pornography must display both male and female genitalia as pixellated blobs. The use of CGI rendering to alter the splendor of the naturally blurry naked Japanese body is strictly forbidden.

Base Camp 1, Antarctica - Sheds, trees, and large decorations may not be added to one's property until approval has been granted by the zoning department.

Paris, France - Killing a man in cold blood is a felony. Immediately after this was enacted, the number of physical altercations in Cold Blood Swimming Centers across the country plummeted.

Claremont, Colorado - If a police officer pulls your car over and you talk him into lending you three hundred dollars, you must pay it back. Like, soon.

Tempe, Arizona - It is against the law to take peyote and go on a spiritual journey without being accompanied by a talking wolf or a silent, old native american.

Venice, Italy - Attempting to make small talk with your gondolier by saying "there's certainly a lot of water on the road today" or anything remotely similar is punishable by death.

Liverpool, England - Telling a particularly racist joke (especially one that is divisive and has the potential to incite violence) in front of a crowd of people and forgetting the end just when it's getting good is illegal.

Sao Paolo, Brazil - No roughhousing. Hey - you, in the back! I saw that.

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful