"The only part of a movie that matters is the last part". That's a quote from forums poster Gross Dude, and its true. The only thing people know about Citizen Kane is the famous fucking shot of the sled, and that's the greatest film of all time [check before publishing]. So here you go - the good shit - endings only. Direct from BYOB, to you.
Woman: YOu've been lying to me this whole time? You're not a bank manager and your name isn't even Travis?
Man: Yes, it's true, my name is actually Art, and I've never been to a bank.
Woman: Well, I don't know who Art is, but I know who I like.
[Then they kiss and the movie ends]
Before the advent of the professional ending writer, movies just didn't end. In fact, the very first Cannes festival is still going to this day
I've been a consultant for jazzy noir outros for years, and the first thing I tell every producer is, "Use jazz in your jazzy outro." Do not play ska. Do not play "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba. Can you imagine if Chinatown used "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba in its final scene? No one would remember "Forget it Jake, it's Chinatown," they would just forget Chinatown, the movie.
i dunno, it's actually not that bad... ends the movie on a more upbeat note:
POLICE SERGEANT: We managed to find a photograph of the guy who did the crimes, Gunther.
GUNTHER: Enough with the chit-chat, sergeant! I've been working this case for five years. I deserve to know!
POLICE SERGEANT shows GUNTHER the photograph. It is a photograph of GUNTHER.
I hated the ending of Snowpiercer where the train just kept spinning around really fast and you couldn't tell if it was supposed to be a dream or not.
*credits have rolled for several minutes after the end of schindlers list when suddenly a blooper gag reel begins to play showing men dressed in nazi uniforms playing pranks on people dressed as prisoners in a camp*
diary of richard 'Richie /ich' linklater, age 42
day 1: today i started work on a movie. it's about a boy.
year 1: still working on the movie
year 2: still working on the movie
year 3: still working on the movie
year 4: working on the movie, still
year 5: the cast and crew had an intervention today asking me to stop working on the movie. still working on the movie
year 6: still working on the movie
year 7: took a break this year and made another movie. still working on the movie
year 8: still working on the movie. this is getting a little weird
year 9: still working on the movie plus i pray for death
year 10: still working on the movie
year 11: i guess everybody on set already figured this out and i feel like a huge idiot. guess i forgot to buy an ending for the screenplay. explains everything. fuck it
RESTAURANT CRITIC: Never in my life have I had a meal as exquisite as this one. Your dead father would be very proud of what you've accomplished here, Zoo Elephant.
ZOO ELEPHANT: [elephant noise]
FADE TO BLACK
Words on screen: NOW THE ZOO ELEPHANT DIDN'T HAVE TO LIVE AT THE ZOO ANYMORE
The camera goes close up on each of them in a shaky handheld-cam jackass-style "hi, I'm [character name]" intro, this goes on for an hour and finally when they're all introduced Johnny Knoxville says "and you just got kredited!!"
In these contentious political times it is more important than ever to work together in a bipartisan way with the people who said I should be thrown out of a helicopter for being an Antifa terrorist.
This Halloween, log off and visit your friends at the local Halloween Superstore.
Better than expected, and absolute garbage
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