Whatever criteria are used to determine what's alive ought to be revised to exclude clams.
I resent koalas because I can't have one.
Ostriches and emus: redundant. Pick one. In fact, let's just cut it down to "llamas."
The anteater is a little too singular in his purpose for my tastes.
What is the tortoise but nature's coward?
The hippopotamus reminds us of everything we hate about ourselves.
They say that being tall predisposes one to success, but I've never seen a giraffe with a corner office.
Tapirs look like something Edward Gorey would draw.
If I were Noah, I would have left the capybaras behind. Not even God would have noticed.
If eagles are so patriotic, where are their bumper stickers?
The guinea pig is a compilation of the worst characteristics of greater animals.
Facebook must remain unflagging in its vigilance against titties even in these troubled times of rising fascism.
It needs to consume human tissue! It needs to speak to your manager!
Reason 9: Ongoing mechanical issues with the internal Superman 64 fog machine.
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