We the undersigned of this petition hereby request that David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, under the strict supervision of George Raymond Richard Martin, shall remake the final season of Game of Thrones to make it fully acceptable. The current travesty of events that has been shit upon our TV screens must be scrubbed from the record and the show runners must start over with the following changes:
- Jon Snow pets the damn dire wolf and then animorphs into a dire wolf. This is non-negotiable.
- Jaime Lannister becomes the main army general of the good guys and he marries Ser Brienne of Tarth.
- There is at least one fight scene where The Hound fights while carrying Arya Stark on his shoulders to make an unstoppable super warrior. Probably how he defeats The Mountain. Also a scene where The Hound throws Arya over a super high wall and then she ties a rope so he can climb up. HOW was this idea not used anywhere in the show???
- Daenerys Targaryen two nude scenes (minimum) and she decides she can't marry Jon Snow because he's a wolf man but then she looks directly into the camera and says, "But I can marry you, my faithful knight."
- Sansa Stark has a nude scene also and wants to marry us, but she can't, because we're already engaged to Daenerys. So instead she gives us a gift of a bunch of cool collectible merchandise based on characters in the series.
- Then we are in the final two episodes as the strongest warrior in Westeros. Super cool armor that is all black but with like a golden dragon symbol on the chest. We fight the Night King who made it all the way to King's Landing because that is much cooler and they're like "Where did this powerful warrior come from this seems unrelated to the story" and Daenerys is like he is my hunky knight husband and he will save us all and then Bran wheels out and starts talking about some cool lore George R.R. Martin made up about us from 700 years ago to prove how cool we are and maybe there is a flashback to when we fought giants or killed one of the mega dragons from the age of the mega dragons.
- Cyberion the star dragon could be our dragon that we make from bones and super technology that's in the meteor. Base the dragon design on King Ghidora from the new Godzilla movie which looks cool.
- Then in the final battle Cyberion is destroyed by the Night King and starts to come back to destroy us and King's Landing but we look into its glowing blue eyes and we're like, "Cyberion, remember the good times we had together. You know where you heart truly lies" and then Cyberion turns on the Night King and pins him down and we walk up and have some really badass one-liner like "Hasta la vista, baby" or "You're terminated" only have George R.R. Martin come up with a good one. Then we drive the cyber dragon glass sword into his chest and he explodes and enters the Cyber Mind Matrix which we will explain in another petition.
- Musical number to end the show where all the best characters are there, even the ones who died, and they're all singing some cool song like "I'm a Believer" from Shrek when Donkey sings it at the end and also like Shrek we ride in a carriage with the Queen of Dragons off to our swamp to spend our honeymoon together.
- Include a stinger mid-credits setting up a sequel where like the Night King could come back or all the Dire Wolves are evil and we'll have to kill Jon Snow and his Dire Wolves.
It's as simple as this, HBO. You either do as we say or we will stop watching your channel except for Watchmen which looks surprisingly cool.
– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)