This article is part of the They Came From the Kindle series.


Our discerning look at the deep end of Amazon's Kindle store returns with a widely popular topic: billionaires. Those pesky point-one-percenters may be hated for their exploitation, but it's that exploitation that seems to drive readers wild. Some want to be a billionaire. Most everyone else wants to have sex with a billionaire.

Is the attraction to billionaires as simple as the universal human desire for alpha males with Bugattis, or is it something more complex, involving aliens and tentacle pregnancy? Join us as we endeavor to find out!

Donald Trump's Secrets of Success - How To Be Successful Like Billionaire Donald Trump (Famous Success Stories)
By Steven Nash

Steven Nash fashions himself as a biographer and advice guru for various celebrities, wealthy people, and spiritualists. "I'm actually a pretty normal guy, who went through some major challenges in my life, where I finally decided to jump into the self-help industry to turn my life around."

That sounds like a rational course of action. Life sucks? That makes me perfectly qualified to teach other people how to live! If you're wondering what sort of advice Mr. Nash has gleaned from his biographical study of Donald Trump, a good guess would be "exactly what the Wikipedia article says" plus about 5,000 words of filler.

Nash's advice book/biography of Trump reads like a high school kid desperately padding out a page of book report into the minimum length required by his teacher. In this case, that length is ten pages. Nash teases vital information for page after page and then never reveals anything. Several paragraphs consist of the same sentence rephrased four different ways. He interrupts giving advice about becoming successful to reiterate the entire life story of Donald Trump in a way that looks like it was scraped off Donald Trump's website.

This book is garbage for idiots. I'm pretty sure the positive reviews were written by Chinese slaves or robots.

Questionable scientific theories:

In the process of not giving any advice, Nash manages to turn platitudes into nonsense.

One of his key philosophical beliefs is that natural selection or racehorse theory. According to this theory, most people are cut out to be successful while other people are not. This is due to the upbringing and the way they are taught.

Best rhetorical question:

Remember The Apprentice?

Finest Groundhog Day paragraph:

Once you have the right type of help then your next task is to watch and to listen to your customer's needs. To succeed in your business, you need to have the right imagination and you need to listen closely to the needs of your customer. This means that you need to check their needs, the location of your store and even the color of the windows in your store.

Classic Kindle line:

Forget the advices that your parents thought you.

What reviewers say:


Also from this author: The Life Changing Lessons Of Buddha - Buddhism Secrets To Spiritual Enlightenment And Happiness (Famous Success Stories)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful