Before We Get Started

Nice try, Mr Tip. I'm not falling for that one again.

Game of the Year Awards

Into the Breach.

That's the game of the year. Obviously.

This concludes the Game of the Year Awards. Thank you for your time.

The Most Anticipated Games of 2019

PC:

- The First Video Game To Earn One Billion Dollars

- Storefront-Clogging Trash Propped Up By Anime Babe Cover Art

- Clunky Survival Bullshit From Studio That Never Finished Their Last Clunky Survival Bullshit Game, Supposedly "Fun With Friends" Even Though An Empty Room With No Interactions Is Fun With Friends

- Blizzard's First Rushed Project

- A Bunch Of Epic Store Exclusives Snapped Up While Valve Was Focusing On Not Spending Money To Improve Steam And Asking Themselves "What If We Turned Our Gross Economy Into A Video Game?"

- Racist Moron's Bland Game Defended By People Who Claim That Not Buying Racist Morons' Bland Games Is The Real Problem

- Fallout 5, An On-Rails Shooter With No Quests Where Super Mutants Are Bad Guys And The Brotherhood Of Steel Are Good Guys And The EXE Is A Bitcoin Miner And A Backdoor For Bethesda Employees To Manually Delete All Of Your Family Photos

Xbox One:

- The Handful Of Microsoft Games That Interest You, But Not Enough To Use The Windows Store

- Look, They're Trying

- Microsoft Is Heading In The Right Direction While Sony Has Locked Itself In A Room With Five Years Worth Of Days Gone Trailers And A PS3 Launch-Era Playbook, But We Won't See A Payoff Until The Next Xbox

- I Guess This Section Is Largely Devoid Of Games, Much Like The Xbox One LOL Owned

PlayStation 4:

- Self-Serious Reboot Of A Mindless Franchise, Hyped By Absolutely Everyone And Forgotten Minutes After The Closing Credits

- BioWare's Uninteresting Clone Of Noted Bad Game Destiny

- Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice

Switch:

- Metroid Prime 4 and a Re-Release of the Original Metroid Prime Or I'll Cry

- Every Single PC Game Released By A Mid-Tier Publisher In The Last Five Years

- Switch Fit, In Which The Switch Itself Is The Balance Board

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)

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