Entertainment Mall HYPNOTISTS, submitted by me. How many times have you raised your fists to the sky and bemoaned the lack of a hypnotist at a dinner party, sporting event, or intimate evening with your significant other? Well I'm about to help you out with this handy list of hypnotists to avoid. Take, for example...

Dr. Naughty - Perfect for children's parties and showing up in your bushes in the middle of the night.

- Attila employs the dark spirits of the Lazy Eye to do his foul bidding, but always has time for a friendly thumbs-up.

Terry Stokes Jr.
- You might think this picture was taken at Glamour Shots, but Terry actually hypnotized you into thinking it. He's that good.

Mike Mesmer "Eyes"
- By the time you get the pun, you already think you're a chicken. Customers are kindly asked not to bring up the horrific accident which left Mike with discolored white scar tissue around his eyes.

I wasn't aware that there were this many hypnotists in the entire world. Do we really need that many?

– Corin Tucker's Stalker (@DennisFarrell)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.