Roger Owen For Congress, submitted by scientician. Roger Owen is a man's man. He is a "Southern Democrat," and according to his site, he is damn proud of the fact. Apparently he is also a great humanitarian, since he obviously hired the kids they hide in the basement of the hospital to design his Web site.

I mean, look at this. Besides the fact that the page features twenty different colors of text (in various sizes), we're also forced to look at his giant chipmunk face before we have a chance to shy away. The text is apparently self-aware, too, since it seemed to align itself to various things on my desk instead of the margins of the site.

But what's the real reason we should vote for Roger Owen? The pictures. Besides a group of pictures of a swimming pool being built, we also get this amazing piece of art:

C'mon, people. The man rebuilds pools and talks to clip-art aliens. Vote Roger Blake or throw your vote away, you communist ninny.

– Evan "Pantsfish" Wade

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • GLUT OF DOGS

    GLUT OF DOGS

    TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851

  • THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.

Copyright ©2016 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.